I was trying to explain to my miserable panting dog, Dante, that if he would simply move out of the direct sunlight he wouldn't be so hot.
He just stared up at me, lethargic and panting, his eyes hopeful that I might say some of his favorite words: treat, walk, car ride.
"Just move out of the sun," I kept saying.
He responded by opening his mouth and breathing hot dog breath all over me.
"You really are an idiot aren't you?" I said both to the dog as well as myself.
To the dog for being too stupid to move, or understand what I was saying, but then again I did have my phone in my hand, he might have just assumed I was talking to my oldest son, who since turning eighteen has graduated from the parental phrase: "Because I said so," to the phrase: "Well, just move out then." (They grow up so fast.)
To myself for being so close to the dogs face while he's panting.
"Dog," I put my hand on my hip letting him know I mean business. "Scootch!"
"Fine,*" he grumbled as he moved.
-- *Dante doesn't actually speak English. I took the liberty of translating as animal language with all it's physical nuances can be a real bitch to communicate via the written word...
As he found a cooler spot to finish his mid-morning nap, continuing to stare up at me while I talked I realized: for his limited vocabulary, not to mention his utter disinterest in most things human, that with all my previous talking I might as well have been trying to explain string theory to him.
-- Not that I'm trying to brag about how smart I am or anything, but yeah, I think I possess enough knowledge of string theory to explain it to a dog. (They don't judge when I say things like: "M-Theory, is pronounced Mmmm-Theory because it's better understood if you eat a cookie before hearing about each of the 11 dimensions.")
(-- If you don't believe me, try it. I believe this mostly because I think the sugar high helps one understand and accept the "far-out" nature of subjects that while being sugar sober seem to require much more thought. Zero-dimensional objects for example... I don't know about you, but that is at least a 3 cookie concept for me...)
At about that time, the littlest dog, Toby came zipping into the room to see what all the hub-bub was about, I picked him up and placed him in the recently vacated warm spot. Toby loves the sun, and getting his hair all over clean laundry, so he promptly plopped down on my hoodie that was lying at the far corner of the sun's cast and rolled over for a belly scratch.
As I scratched his belly and had a decidedly one-sided conversation about it being warm on one side and cold on the other from lying in the sun on the tile floor, I realized, why some people think talking to animals is crazy. Or maybe... they just need another cookie.
Love to my peeps and their pups.